the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
