so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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