I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
