Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
