He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101