Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!