Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
