Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
