Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
