do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize