Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
