I want to walk on stilts...naked
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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