Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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