hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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