It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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