Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
