So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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