I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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