I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
