i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
