we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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