So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
