There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
