why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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