I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize