I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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