So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
