i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
