shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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