do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize