chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
