ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
