She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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