I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
