i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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