I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
