Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugly people sure do ruin things
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
