I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
