Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
