I want to walk on stilts...naked
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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