new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
