I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
