Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
