i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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