so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
