One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
