Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
