So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
two words...techno handjob
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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