I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
