the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
