Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
