I skipped work to stalk him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
