Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
