Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
