??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
