Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
