This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
