Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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