Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
