I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
