absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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