I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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