What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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