Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
