At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
