if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
