brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Randomize
