All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
