Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
