the condom got lost in my hair
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
