plz talk dirty to me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
