So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
