The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
