My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
