I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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