you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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