Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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