And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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